Let’s Talk About Body Shaming in the Philippines

Let me start off by saying I am a fiercely proud mixed-race, Filipino-American woman. Growing up, I had the wonderful and rare opportunity to live in the Philippines for six years — I learned Tagalog, immersed myself in the culture, enjoyed the endless delicacies and most importantly, developed a very close bond with my family on my mom’s side. I am lucky to call both the Philippines and the United States my home.

If there’s one thing I can attest to during my six-year stay in the Philippines, it’s that Filipinos have earned their reputation for being some of the most friendly people in the world. And it’s true, we are! However, no culture comes without blemishes, and the Philippines is no exception. I want to highlight one of our societal flaws that no one seems to talk about: blatant body shaming.

FullSizeRender
Illustration: Niki Waters

Although I do not live there anymore, I try and visit as much as I can — because as any true Filipino, family-time is important to me. Every trip starts off the same way: After a 14+ hour flight, I am greeted by my cousins, aunts and uncles. Their first words to me are tumaba ka ‘you got fat’ as they simultaneously squeeze my “arm fat”. My excitement for coming home instantly fades, and I immediately want to hop on the next America-bound flight — I know that this is just the beginning of a summer filled with unsolicited commentary pertaining to my body.

“I didn’t realize it at the time, but this was a textbook case of body shaming on an entire cultural level”

At least I have someone who goes through this with me — my beautiful, older sister. Keep in mind, my sister and I are pretty healthy gals, but whenever we set foot in our island home, we are immediately pinned as fat or chubby. Why? Because Filipino’s definition of beauty can best be described as: stick-thin. My sister and I just aren’t built that way.

These comments are not meant to be insulting; unfortunately, it’s normal in Filipino society to comment on other people’s physical appearances — good or bad. So, really anyone who doesn’t fit within this society’s beauty standards has to deal with this nonsense. My sister and I have grown accustomed to this practice, so we usually brush off the comments and try our hardest not to be fazed. But as much as we didn’t want to be, we were fazed, we were very fazed — to the point where we used to put our bodies through hellish and unhealthy diets to try and avoid unwanted remarks about “how fat we are” during our next visit. Yet, no matter how much we refrained from midnight snacking or how many miles we ran, we were still categorized as “fat” the moment we stepped off the airplane. I didn’t realize it at the time, but this was a textbook case of body shaming on an entire cultural level.

One summer, my sister and I had reached our breaking point. After a much needed, cousins-only staycation, a family member asked my sister why she’s “so big” for about the 100th time that month — as if her bone structure was her fault. She snapped, and rightly so! She wasn’t going to take this treatment anymore, especially not from family.

This big blow up turned into a constructive conversation where I finally explained the negative emotional and physical effects these comments have had on my sister and me over the years. Interestingly enough, we got two very distinct responses during this chat. The first came from the older generation of our aunts and uncles who defended this behavior because it’s so widely accepted. They basically told us that because we are in the Philippines, we should conform to Filipino norms, and quit being so “sensitive”.

“The sooner we all realize that this language is toxic, the better.”

On the other hand, our cousins actually agreed with us. They grew up with pretty harsh nicknames related to their appearance — some as callous as panget ‘ugly’ or kuba ‘’hunchback’. And although they’ve always seemed unfazed by this, for the first time ever, they admitted that the name calling took a toll on their self-esteem — especially when they were all much younger. So, it wasn’t just my sister and me who felt this way, it seems like everyone our age is affected by this cruel practice, too.

Thanks to our united front, we were able to show our aunts and uncles our perspective, and they were able to put themselves in our shoes. Needless to say, my family has yet to comment on my sister’s or my physical appearance since that day.

I am grateful that my sister, cousins and I were able to get this off our chest, and that a positive outcome came from that conversation. However, I’m more concerned for my cousins’ children. As an adult, I was able to articulate how body shaming has affected me, but my younger family members are defenseless to this behavior. I remember exactly how being constantly reminded of my uncommon figure affected my self-esteem and self-worth, and I don’t want that for them. Sadly, this is not something I can shield them from since it’s so culturally accepted.

One conversation was all it took to make a change within my family, so maybe all we need is for more people to speak up and call this behavior what it is: body shaming. The sooner we all realize that this language is toxic, the better.

To my extended family — I love you and thank you for being open to change.

To my kabayans who may be reading this — let’s make a positive difference together by addressing this problem head-on.

____

Photo Credit: Shirley Waters

Illustration: Niki Waters

Website: kneesandkeys.com

Instagram: www.instagram.com/kneesandkeysart/?hl=en

107 thoughts on “Let’s Talk About Body Shaming in the Philippines

  1. What you wrote is very true, that’s why most of the Filipinos (I myself included – yet in the process of transforming) have a very low self-esteem despite the fact that we are talented individuals. It is always associated with the cultural mindset that the Philippines has. But Im glad that you step up and vocalize your truest feeling regarding body shaming. At the end of the day we can always shrug off our shoulders with negative comments yet developing ourselves daily to be the best version of ourselves.

    Like

  2. I was once called an ugly frog 😦 it broke my heart. I left home and ventured outside….all I can say to all who bullied me…”look at me now, look at me now”!!! 😂

    Like

  3. Body shaming isn’t uncommon in Chinese culture either. Like the Philippines (and pretty much most of Asia), one has to be super-tiny and look “delicate.” Want to look like Gal Gadot in Wonder Woman? Forget about it. It just isn’t feminine. However, I think she looked FIERCE!!

    Like

  4. Let’s develop a culture of affirmation instead.
    I agree body shaming should stop in the Philippines. People will always be different from each other. Though I being the one you may call stick-thin also receive this kind of criticism. And it also doesn’t feel good when they keep telling to my face that I’m so thin. No one will be perfect. So I say let’s develop a culture of affirmation instead.

    Like

  5. I, for one had my share of blatant body shaming from my friends. We had this high-school get together last Saturday and sadly, I was the butt of the jokes. Me being a “higante” and me being so “Sexy”. It took a toll on me and I event posted my feelings on Facebook. It makes me really angry how people, especially my friends could be so rude and cruel. I think I just have to accept the fact that this is of the way of the world, and I should be the one to adjust. I am seriously contemplating not going to future events where they will be present just to be spared from all of the body shaming. 😦

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s